One Rainy Sunday

Nothing much to tell about the title. Just that I am quite hurriedly writing this because of a number of stuff that needs to get done before this day ends because tomorrow already has its own full plate of TTDs (things to do).

Opened a new tab while doing research just now for a paper I am writing when I saw this in one of the links. Wondering the last time I was here and wrote something...as it turns out, its been a long while.

...and as I try to save drafts, I see some of them in there. So that's where all the posts are all this time. Someone's got some major editing and reading to do. Hint: that's someone is no other than yours truly.

I am thinking of ways to keep posts coming in this place. Surely, I have more than 2,000 words to say on a daily basis and I don't get to talk that much to anyone since I work from home. Besides, what better way to share awll the things I read and see than having them here.

This is one place I've long thought of having its own hosting  but still having doubts on how to get it all off the ground. I remember asking one blogger how she manages to maintain at least 5 active blogs  - 2 of which are award winning - and have time to write for all of them on top of her mom and wife duties. She told me the writing  comes very easy once you get used to it.

Well, I've been writing since I was in third grade and started my first blogs with Friendster and Live Journal. I've been a ghost writer since 2005 and started doing that professionally in 2012...but the writing never became easy.

Not that it's gotten harder, either. Its just that it remained either motivated by reward or inspiration.

Now, I am not sure why I keep on blabbering about it when the simple answer is this: I never developed tha habit of "blogging" regularly. Sure, I wrote replied to emails daily, wrote manuals and procedures here and there, drafted contracts and pitches once in a while, produced academic and marketing papers on demand, and wrote rhymes and verses once in a while, yet I never worked on producing blog content regularly. Never pushed myself enough to make it a habit.

And so we for the next 66 days, the  habit should be updating personal blogs here and there and there. Make this a pseudorevival of the A Blog A Day Challenge but this time, we'll work harder on producing daily content. The goal is not PageRank but to build the habit of consistancy since I really suck at keeping my blogs updated despite blogging prefessionally for almost 4 years now.

Hope you take this journey with me.

Of Endings and Beginnings: Unbelievable Lightness

I've always believed there's a right time for everything.

This week, I think the right time just presented itself.

At first I was hesitant if I should go through with it. Its just that it seemed so long and unimportant anymore. However, I had to find the courage to do it because the chance might never come again and besides, I wasn't just doing it for the other person. I was also doing it for me. 

I needed to say my apologies and my peace. It really doesn't matter how the other person will receive and return the gesture, I just wanted to do it to get it off my chest. It was a burden of guilt and sadness that I've been carrying for quite a long time and it was taking up an important space in my being that can be put to better and more progressive use. 

So, there I was seated near the exit, waiting for them on their way out. In my head several things were still spinning, am I actually doing this? I felt cold and conscious of what I was going to say and how, what if I stutter or say the wrong things? At the top of my head, there's this queer little voice telling me to just leave because what I wanted to do won't change anything.

The minutes seemed eternal as the debate went on in my head if I was going to go through with it, on the left side of my brain. While the right side was composing what I was gonna say. Despite my own inhibitions, there was this stronger resolve to just get it over and done with since this is something that doesn't happen everyday.

On her way out, I called her name but she didn't hear me so I came after her and touched her shoulder, asked her to give me a minute. I told her this was something I wanted to do a long time ago but never had the chance. I said I'm sorry and gave her a hug. She smiled and said, "Wala na 'yun." She then introduced me to her son who took my hand and touched it to his forehead in a gesture of respect. I smiled at him and said, "Pleased to meet you." Just before we parted ways she said to me, "Sorry rin ha." Dumbfounded, I touched her elbow, smiled and said, "Okay na yun." I said my goodbyes and went my way.

To my surprise, the gesture was received with an equal amount of surprise, acceptance and an unexpected apology in return. I felt a surge of warmth, liberation, sheer delight and an unbelievable lightness in my heart that I never thought was possible. Its as if there was nothing you can throw at me that will get me upset. 

It was the first time I met these two individuals face-to-face, first time that I actually spoke with them and yet our paths and fate have been entangled over a decade earlier in a very twisted way. So unbelievably twisted that it hurt. Still, there is nothing I can do to undo all that. What I can only do is say I'm sorry and wish them both well. And I sincerely mean that.

Our past is nothing pleasant nor fancy but I am grateful that it helped shape who I have become and if through my loss, something good came out - just a ray of hope, a chance at happiness and a chance at love - then my loss, no matter how much of a heartbreaking epic and monumentally soul-shattering moment it was at the time, is something that I no longer entirely feel sorry for.

My story hasn't gotten that happily ever after storybook endling that little princesses dreamt of yet, but I've gotten my second chance to get back up on my feet and make things right - and I struggle to do so every single day. For me, that is enough. As for them, I don't know how their story has unfolded and I have no desire to. I only pray that they be blessed with the same lightness that I now have in my heart and the most genuine of joy.

Pitstop '15

I'd like to think that this is another pitstop am taking to lead me somewhere better that I ever imagined. Life is an adventure meant to be lived after all.

There is, however an almost poetic sadness in the recent shift of things. There was nothing dramatic or comical about it. It was rather quick and quiet, and hopefully a more matured decision than I originally thought.

As I have said before, I simply end chapters and avoid closing doors because for most things, we can never tell with finality when they are over. An affair can end in a chapter to be picked up again later. Some good things sometimes need to be put on hold for more important ones.

I am all in when it comes to pursuing passions but succeeding in that pursuit requires more than passion itself. It requires freedom, resources and skills - you do need something more to show, no not just show but actually put on the table other than sheer desire.

Personally, for me its knowing with some amount of certainty that I have taken care of all the other important things so I can freely go after the things I really want.

There is however a risk in putting off things you're passionate about on hold for quite some time to take care of more practical and pressing things. The process changes you in certain ways. As you grow, you begin to challenge and question things you earlier had very strong convictions about. I don't know for certain if its a good or bad thing when you get to a point when you wonder if what you've always thought you're passionate about suddenly feels like its no longer for you.

Its quite startling to be caught in the middle of trying to live up to it only to realize it doesn't feel right anymore.

People change, sometimes we grow and sometimes we grow backwards...whathever the case, its just important to take a step back and analyze where you're winiinwinning and losing the most and what demands you're greatest attention. At the end of the day, the important thing is to learn from the experience and take corrective actions as soon as one realizes his or her shortcomings. Life need not be perfect but it does need to be lived to the fullest.

Of Endings and Beginnings: Reflecting on Reflections from Another Lifetime

Really? I have to admit, I never thought I'd be adding another post to the Reflections series again. It just felt so passe and personally, overrated now. Not to mention that I don't even remember where I posted the earlier installments but just the same, it seemed appropriate.

For quite a while I've been wondering why am I still a part of it and what had happened. My initial reaction was to shrug it off. No matter how much people brought it up to me, it is none of my business anymore. It hasn't been for a number of years. I got better things to do that to stick my nose in other people's lives.

And then, today I was told.

Frankly, I felt sad and deeply sorry that the unfortunate happened. I didn't see all the point in everything that was wasted and all that's been lost. It just seemed to tragically stupid in epic proportions. As much as I've chosen to move on, grow and change, a part of me felt saddened and sorry that there were some of us who chose to stay behind and wither away in the most self-destructive way possible.

In a fleeting split-second I asked myself if I was at fault or if I had my share of blame, however bright-as-day obvious it all were: at some point we were all victims but there was always a choice between remaining victimized and rising up to save yourself. What happened then was too big not to takeaway anything. I made a choice and I have no regrets. I am only sorry that someone refused to learn.

For a while, I was tempted to reach out...but I held myself back. Was there a need for my comfort, was there a need for my compassion, was it even appropriate? I curbed my own desire to show support and affection for two things: propriety and peace. Its for everyone's best interest that we leave things as they are. I don't want my actions to be misinterpreted and taken any farther than they are - as they have historically been. No matter how much one wants to express concern, it was a risk I wisely choose not to take. Maybe in time, the occassion may present itself but at the moment, its best to keep quiet.

So today, in my heart I say a silent and sincere prayer: may you find the reasons to change your ways before its too late; that you have a shattering moment of clarity and see all the right reasons to change; that your heart finally have that courage to make a decision and stick it through; that all your fears and worries and all the battles and storms raging within you cease so you may find peace and calm; that your soul finally see the warmth and hope around you; and that your heart open up to love - to loving yourself enough and choosing to see your worth. I pray for your healing. I pray for your peace of mind.

Business Development

30. Single. Working from home. This sums up who I am and quite frankly, I am not happy with it. Sure I make a living, and yes I have the skills needed to be productive in what I do and yes, I do love my home-based lifestyle, it saves me money from clothes, food and transportation, I do not have to endure the hassles of traffic, commute and all the other stuff that took time, energy and money when I was still working a "normal job". 

I certainly, absolutely love my online career. It has allowed me to build up a network as I am adding something new to my skill set and well, I guess where I'm getting at is executing everything that I have learned and still learning and sharing the knowledge I have that made it possible for me to do that things I do online and making a living.  

Its about building my platform online and eventually a business. 

Yes, I think I have read and skimmed a couple of business books but the thing is we can never really be too sure or too prepared because business is dynamic. Specifically, e-commerce is dynamic. Then again, I have yet to draw up a business plan, neither do I have a mind map or a business model in mind.

In some of the job interviews I have had, I've always been asked why I kept on switching from one job and one industry to another. The answer is simple and constant: I haven't found the one career that will make me stick around for good. In all fairness and honesty, in each of the jobs I had, I always had a hint and a long-term plan. You see, I have made it a point not to start or begin something I have no intention of keeping for good. However, as soon as I see that its not working, it won't work or that it's not what I have in mind. I weigh things and revise my plan.

Right now, I'm what my friend calls a "solopreneur" and my online journey began just 2 years ago. Yes, I am still a neophyte but as I mentioned above, I don't do things without the intention of keeping them for a long time and well, I simply believe that we should grow where we are planted: to do well wherever we are and make meaningful contributions when  we can. And right now, I am looking at the possibility of not just getting all the necessary documents for a worker or business owner - what or however BIR will define me and the kind of work I do. Since we are getting documents to get comply with the legal perspectives, why not make the business a real one as well?

Had a long and interesting conversation with a like-minded person really early today or very late last night and well, it a way, it helped clear a few things up for me. I was able to ponder on things like who do I want to serve, the difference between my would be business and what can be considered as my advocacy. The importance of having a complete mind map can clearly draw lines on which is which and what should be priority one.

Well, I am still looking into the possibilities because the vast and untapped microcosmos of the internet offers that and more. The business has to be something as well thought of as possible not because I can only get one shot at it but because there are a lot of creative minds out there and no, they are not competition. They are a tribe and we have a lot of them. We need to join one to understand the environment, the climate and its problems. We need to know the rules and we need to know the structures and mechanisms already in place in the local cyber landscape. 

Building a tribe and an audience is also another great hurdle. Great but not impossible and in order to do that, we have to get a few websites off the ground. In the old school of selling I was taught to create the need for whatever it is that I was selling. That, and that I also have to earn the right to sell. In today's tribes, the custom is to be generous with help, information and educating not just tribe members but also others and asking permission to offer. Though there are still those that pitches their products and services.

I love my job - the team I am a part of and the things that I am learning with them. I love generating leads and writing pitches and I love writing, period. However, if I am to be of service to anyone, I'd choose to serve fellow Filipinos on how they can benefit by going online and the skills we need to get there. This is just me thinking fast forward and taking all the baby steps to make sure I get to where I want to go standing on my own feet and armed with the right knowledge and connections.

On Success

Hello and welcome to week two of the ABAD challenge! For brevity's sake, I'll be dropping the "a blog a day" abbreviation from the posts' title and we can just keep them in the tags instead. That way we get short and meaningful titles.

Since I rarely go out to socialize, I really dig and stalk social media to keep me posted on what's going on outside and what's trending. As I was half-heartedly surfing earlier, I saw someone shared a link of Arianna Huffington speaking at a graduation. I, being a sucker for such speeches took my headset and watched the video.

In her still somewhat heavy Greek accent she made me understand some simple things that can have a great impact in one's life - like being able to find one's calling, pursuing one's passion or simply letting go of things that makes life stressful all of which are definitely life changing.

I think it made sense when she said that, "you can complete a project by dropping it." Admit it, at some point, we all obsessed in doing or wanting to do everything ourselves. We refuse to delegate whether by arrogance or not wanting to share the credit with someone else. We spend time and resources trying to acquire or learn a new skill for a project. While this is a good trait and not entirely bad, when we are working on a project that might cause us our jobs or our business, we might want to think twice. If you can't do it, drop it or find someone who can and pay them good.

She spoke of a third element to add to money and power as metrics of success giving emphasis on the reality that yes, we have achieved an impressive collective lot in the various aspects of our careers, business and profession but success as we know and expect it is something that's not sustainable. This is a basic truth that requires no further amount of research. As children from the moment we began our school age until we reach retirement, there is one single expectation: to excel.

Wanting to excel and eventually succeed is not evil. However, the means we use to attain them, that's one that needs some major rethinking. At school parents expect their kids to excel academically, or in their extracurricular activities sometimes driving them just above the healthy competitive line. When we work, we often disregard our teammates or drive subordinates beyond the point of tolerance to produce the numbers to be on top. We disregard our family and friends - whom we consider the most important to us and finally we tend to disregard ourselves - our health and if we are fulfilling the desires of our heart. Our careers wont always be in the place where our heart is but in order to be at peace with ourselves, we have to find it in our hearts that we truly love whatever it is that we are doing and that it makes a difference to someone else.

Success as we know it has always been associated with grand offices and big fat paychecks. We buy the definition that's been handed out to us and we live our lives trying to fit in the mold. Today, we have more connections and more freedom, different media and platforms to choose from to deliver our message and express ourselves. Now, more than any other time before is the right moment to challenge ans express one's creativity and redefine success.

We live in a world where everyone might not have an equal opportunity but we are given the best power of them all: the freedom to express and show and make the difference. Let us be Smithies you and me and take on the challenge Arianna made. Let us shape and redefine success in a way that we'll be able to keep our sanity and remain calm and relaxed to take on new challenges ahead.

ABAD Day 7: The Business Brew

One week! Yaay!

Today will be short and sweet since I am really dead tired but I'm just so excited about a brewing business idea. I always wanted one and well, I think this might just be it. The long wait is over. You might ask me if I think this is a bit too early, well it might me be and you're probably right but if we never take the risk and hustle to get something off the ground, chances are the momentum will pass and we might never have the right time again to get great fantastic ideas out of the drawing board and into execution.

Thinking big is a great thing most success stories did not happen by accident. The opportunities may have been unexpected but most successful people dreamt and thought  big. So, I'm taking a big slice to take on that big cake of business and hopefully my beginnings is enough to be shared to everyone.

Now this isn't gonna be something that shoots off then falls down. I want something that's built to last so last which is why I'm calling on everyone on my network for thoughts and input to make sure the business model will be effective and that we really have the right market for it. The thing with research and all that preparation to get it right is we sometimes overdo it taking the biggest risk of all and that is missing the moment.

The lessons we learn on how tech startups build their business is a great reminder that no plan should be cast in stone and that w should be willing and quick when we intend to do something because aside from missing the right moment, the next risk is having someone create and introduce the same product or service that you are offering.