Really? I have to admit, I never thought I'd be adding another post to the Reflections series again. It just felt so passe and personally, overrated now. Not to mention that I don't even remember where I posted the earlier installments but just the same, it seemed appropriate.
For quite a while I've been wondering why am I still a part of it and what had happened. My initial reaction was to shrug it off. No matter how much people brought it up to me, it is none of my business anymore. It hasn't been for a number of years. I got better things to do that to stick my nose in other people's lives.
And then, today I was told.
Frankly, I felt sad and deeply sorry that the unfortunate happened. I didn't see all the point in everything that was wasted and all that's been lost. It just seemed to tragically stupid in epic proportions. As much as I've chosen to move on, grow and change, a part of me felt saddened and sorry that there were some of us who chose to stay behind and wither away in the most self-destructive way possible.
In a fleeting split-second I asked myself if I was at fault or if I had my share of blame, however bright-as-day obvious it all were: at some point we were all victims but there was always a choice between remaining victimized and rising up to save yourself. What happened then was too big not to takeaway anything. I made a choice and I have no regrets. I am only sorry that someone refused to learn.
For a while, I was tempted to reach out...but I held myself back. Was there a need for my comfort, was there a need for my compassion, was it even appropriate? I curbed my own desire to show support and affection for two things: propriety and peace. Its for everyone's best interest that we leave things as they are. I don't want my actions to be misinterpreted and taken any farther than they are - as they have historically been. No matter how much one wants to express concern, it was a risk I wisely choose not to take. Maybe in time, the occassion may present itself but at the moment, its best to keep quiet.
So today, in my heart I say a silent and sincere prayer: may you find the reasons to change your ways before its too late; that you have a shattering moment of clarity and see all the right reasons to change; that your heart finally have that courage to make a decision and stick it through; that all your fears and worries and all the battles and storms raging within you cease so you may find peace and calm; that your soul finally see the warmth and hope around you; and that your heart open up to love - to loving yourself enough and choosing to see your worth. I pray for your healing. I pray for your peace of mind.
